Walking Backwards
by Dyslexic Angel
Summary: [ONESHOT] Sometimes it seems like all he has to do is stand still. I run as fast as I can, but as long as I'm walking backwards, he just keeps getting further ahead... A day in the life of Naruto. Introspec, not much angst. Rated for language.


Walking backwards

When I get up in the morning, everything seems bright. The sun is already high, the sky is blue, and everyone is happy. The first thing I do is make myself a cup of ramen. It's not the best breakfast, but it's cheap, and it's easy. No one is surprised by my choice of food, because they all think I'm obsessed with ramen. That's ok, even if it isn't really true. That's what they should think. That's what they're happy thinking, so that they can put Uzumeki Naruto in a box they understand, and forget about me.

After breakfast, there's training. I put on the orange jumpsuit I always wear because the color reminds me of sunshine, and go out to meet Sakura-chan and Sasuke-kun. I don't really hate him that much, but it's fun to watch how he doesn't know how to react to my loudmouth self. Kakashi-sensei is late, as usual, but it doesn't really matter. It gives me a bit more time to bug Sasuke, and laugh to myself about how Sakura thinks she's in love with him.

Kakashi finally shows up, and then it's training for the rest of the day. That frustrates me, but at the same time, I love it. There's no better feeling than pushing yourself to your limit—then just a bit further. When I started, I was just trying to get someone to notice me. I thought that if I was Hokage, they would have to respect me, so I used that as a reason. Once I really got started though, I got lost in it—Just loving the fighting arts for themselves. The pleasure they gave me was a reason enough to continue, but I held on to my goal. People say that that's a problem with me, that I'm way too stubborn; I literally _cannot_ quit. I don't see what's wrong with that—isn't it better than leaving something half-baked? So I train. But still, it frustrates me—because no matter how hard I try, Sasuke is always a step ahead of me. It feels like I'm walking backwards, sometimes, and all he has to do is stand still while I fall further and further behind.

By the time we break for lunch, I'm sweating, and I'll have removed the orange jacket. It'll be draped over a tree branch somewhere, lending a little color to the dull green and brown of the forest. Lunch for me is, surprise surprise, a cup of instant ramen. I can't really afford anything else. I'm lucky enough to have a place to live, rent-free. Most people never bother to wonder how a ten-year old can live alone and feed himself; those that do generally assume I steal. Truly, it's a very humbling experience to have to beg as often as I do. At least with the Sexy no Jutsu, no one recognizes me. I still skip a lot of meals though, either way.

After lunch, we're free. Normally I would go and think up more pranks, or see if Iruka-sensei is around, but today I don't really feel like it. I'm tired, and watching Sakura throw herself at Sasuke is making me just a little bit sick. You'd think a girl as bright as all that would realize he wasn't interested. I go up to mount Hokage, turning my jacket inside out so I'm not as easily identifiable. My pants are covered in mud up to the waist anyway; I miss the bright orange, but I don't want to be noticed. I lie on the Hokage's head and watch the clouds drift by. Sasuke would say that even this requires too much thought for me, because I clearly don't have a brain. Silly Sasuke. I have a brain, just like anyone else. I die if it gets broken, same as anybody else. My real problem is that almost everything I know, (ninja arts excluded) I had to teach myself. I didn't have parents to teach me. Just the Sensei, and he had a whole class to teach.

Sasuke says I don't have to worry about head shots, because there is clearly nothing in there to damage. If that's true, then how did I get that concussion? I die just as easy as anyone, but I truly don't know if anyone would care. Iruka might be sad; he would always be sad to lose a student. Sakura would be happy, because then I wouldn't bother her anymore. Sasuke would be happiest of all, just because I would be gone.

I stand up, and walk to the curved edge of the Hokage's head. It's a long fall down, but I doubt it would kill me. I would have to land just right, and break my neck. If I failed I would probably be paralyzed. That would be worse than dying. I move away from the edge. No matter how much Sasuke might like it, I'm not really in the mood to die today. Besides, knowing that bastard, he'd only be happy if he was the one to kill me. I head down the tiny trail, through the woods, turning my jacket back to normal as I go. It's almost too warm for it, and the sun isn't orange, but a much brighter color that I don't know the name of. It isn't white; white is a weak, opaque color, like a glass of milk. It isn't silver, because silver only reflects. Maybe there is no name for the color. Maybe I can name it. I'll call that color sun, because that's the only thing that ever is that blinding shade. Then again, who would listen to me? They're just as happy with their lives pretending that I don't exist.

Sometimes I think of leaving Koneha, using the Sexy no Jutsu as a disguise, and just wandering. Going other places, places where I'm not the-boy-with-the-fox-demon, but just Naruto. Well, Naka if I were using the Sexy no Jutsu. I can't say I've ever been exactly fond of my given name, anyway. Who would want to be named after a fish cake? As I'm lying in bed that night, I dream of going far away, somewhere where I can just be myself. I won't have to be the dobe that Sasuke hates, or the baka that annoys Sakura, or even the kid that Iruka watches out for. I could just be myself.

By the time I wake up the next morning, I know I'll never leave. This happens every night; I dream of leaving Koneha, but in the end, that's all it is. I'm too stubborn; I can't quit. Even if it means I just keep walking backwards, watching Sasuke get further and further ahead. I won't give up; besides, what's wrong with walking backwards?

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It always felt like it should have been raining while I wrote this. I spent a lot of time reading Naruto fanfiction, but very few of the fics actually get inside his head. The anime and manga don't really, either. He remains just a character. This was my shot in the dark at what really goes on inside that stubborn blond head.

Like it? Hate it? Tell me why! Cookies for reviewers! Did I mention I want to hear what you think about it? How can you pass up the chance to tell me?

(Note: Constructive Critiscm is a currency worth far more than gold. Sometimes, it is even worth sequels and new chapters. Review!)


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